When you’re scared but you still do it anyway, that’s brave

I’ve been reading a lot of Neil Gaiman lately. The quote below is from a keynote he gave at the University of the Arts. There are certain things you watch or read that stick with you, and this is one of those things that has stuck with me.

“The moment that you feel that, just possibly, you’re walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself. That’s the moment you may be starting to get it right.”

As of late, I’ve been going through a lot of changes. After closing a very large chapter in my life, consisting of my fighting myself on every little thing I’ve ever felt I wanted to do, I am finally moving forward into a place where I feel I want to be brave, I want to “make good art”, and I want to expose that much of my heart and mind that I feel like I’m finally doing something right.

I think, perhaps, that a large part of my problem is that I’ve not allowed myself to dream. I mean, before I go to sleep at night I daydream a little; however, I don’t take the time during the day to just let myself daydream. I don’t let myself explore those deep, dark places inside me – or even some of the light, fluffy ones – to try and find the stories that I know exist in there somewhere. I know they exist because I always have flashes of plots in my head, and I even write them down occasionally, but I very rarely turn these flashes into actual stories. I intend to change that.

The one thing I’ve been hoping to do for a long time – even before the new chapter began – is to write, and possibly try to publish some kind of fictionalized account of my life. It goes without saying that I’m no Hollywood starlet; nor am I a “person of importance” in the vast scheme of things; but maybe that doesn’t matter. Everyone has a story to tell. The one piece of advice that I’ve always heard is that we all have our own voice; even if we don’t think we have anything original to say, at the very least we say it with our own words. So maybe, if I find my own voice, I’ll find my story.

It’ll be, I’m sure, really bloody scary.

But perhaps that’s the point.

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