After a lot of hard thinking, I’ve made it down to two choices. Well, three, but really two.
My first choice is this: quit school, effective immediately. Get a full time job, and start writing more than once every forever. I’ve wanted to be an author my entire life, and this would be the first step towards that.
My second choice, along the first, would be to finish the semester, and take a sabbatical, assuming that I will come back to school at some point (which is why I may as well finish the semester). Then, quit school effective Christmastime.
My third choice – which makes me nauseous just thinking about it – is to stay in school. So perhaps it isn’t really a contender.
I love baking; I intend to continue baking the rest of my life. But…. I really hate going to school for it. I wake up in the morning wanting to cry because I despise going to classes for it. It’s amazing, everything I’m learning, but…. I’ve been in school so long. I can’t help but feel, at this point in my life, I am done with it. If I tried really, really hard I could finish out the year, but…
And that “but” is making it harder and harder to think that, come Monday, I will be back at school.
The question Husband asked me was, “Say you quit school. Right now. Didn’t go back on Monday. Would you really take your spare time to write?” and he warned me against lying to myself to make me feel better about quitting.
It’s a hard question to answer. I want more than anything to know it to be true that I will, without question, complete my NaNoWriMo goal. I want to finish my novel. I know the characters, I know the setting. God, I can see it all in my head so clearly it’s as if I’m watching a movie. But, would I do it?
I want to say yes. I’m almost certain the answer is yes. But I’ve always been so bad at setting myself goals. Perhaps this is my chance to change all that. I’ve been relying too much on professors and chefs and bosses and parents to give me goals that I’ve never had to set one for myself. Not really.
Maybe this is my chance.