When I first started my undergraduate degree, I had my sights set on graduate school. I was flying high on the fact that I had gotten into a competitive program abroad, and was sure of my brilliance and excited for the challenge of academia.
My first year of university was amazing. My professors were supportive, my classes small, and my campus beautiful. I enjoyed learning, reading. It was everything I had hoped for. I even fell in love.
The man I fell for would later consume me. Our relationship would become destructive, and by the time I ended it, I had entered therapy, and lost all confidence in myself as a student, and an intellectual. I was burned out from sleepless nights, long hours, and too many classes. My mental (un)health had destroyed my drive, but not all of it. I knew I wanted to continue my education, so I applied to culinary school, where in some ways I excelled. The labs I did alright in, but in the academia, and the tutoring English, I loved it, and I did really well at it. Studying English, and helping others study English made my time at college inspiring.
Now that I’ve had a chance to work in the private sector, in retail, and in hospitality, and recharge my battery as it were, it’s about time I get back to what I love. I love to write, and I’m pretty ok at it, but I’m also pretty ok at academia, and it’s about time I do something about that. Even if it means I have to take the GREs.
I’ll be applying to graduate school for enrollment September 2015, and I’m really excited. It’s one of those things that I’ve always said I wanted to do – get my MA, and my PhD – and now I’m going to.
I’m tired to saying, “Once I succeed at X, I’ll do Y.” I did the same with writing – once I become a successful lawyer, I’ll retire and write. Then, it was once I am a successful writer, or professional, or whatever, I’ll go to Grad school. Maybe it’s about proving myself, maybe it’s delayed gratification, I’m not entirely sure, but it’s a habit I really would like to break. I’ll become successful with hard work and practice, not with denying my passions and my intelligence.
You know, I went through a similar problem when dealing with my mental health. Denying it didn’t help; only acknowledging it helped me move past it, improve it. Maybe accepting my passions and skills will help me move forward in my life, too.
I’ll keep you posted.
I’m looking forward to the day I’ll be able to say, “Trust me, I’m the Doctor”.